Bondage and Spanking
By Jeff & Kris Booth
(Text in black written by Jeff,
text in blue by Kris)
Basic Bondage Bondage Toys Basic Spanking Spanking Toys
Why do Some People Like to be Tied up and/or Spanked?
Bondage and spanking are not for everyone, but for a remarkable number of people, they hold a strong erotic appeal. Kris gets a very strong erotic charge from bondage and spanking, whether she is on the giving or receiving end.
For many people, it is a form of sexual role playing. While many people enjoy placing themselves in a position of either dominance or submission in their bondage and spanking play, this does not necessarily mean that this is the role they play in real life. In fact, it is quite typical for people to be playing the opposite roles from what they normally live out. Judges, police officers, and lawyers are typical clients of professional dominatrixes, who in their regular lives may be housewives.
There are many roles that can be played: Slave/master, harem girl/sultan, student/schoolmistress, boss/employee. Underneath it is an erotic power game, where both people are aroused by the thrill of controlling or being controlled, and the incredible charge of someone offering themselves to another, their bodies under someone else's control, to be used for their mutual pleasure.
For most, though, it simply provides a framework for some incredibly hot sex. It can manifest itself in many ways, but involves one person playing the role of a top (dominant) and the other the role of a bottom (submissive). Some people always play the same role, and others like Kris can easily switch (and they are called "switches" when they like either role).
Enjoying being spanked as an adult may well have links back to early childhood during the time when our sexuality is first evolving. The bottom is filled with nerve endings, and spanking can certainly be physically stimulating. All those conservatives who believe that sparing the rod spoils the childhood may well have planted the seeds to a form of sex play that their children would enjoy later in life. Not everyone who enjoys being spanked was spanked as a child, though, so the actual reasons that so many people enjoy this are much more complicated. Whether it is the process of being submissive or the strong physical stimulation, many people enjoy a good spanking now and then.
This brings us to the subject of pain. Are these activities painful? Do people really enjoy pain? To those who play, in a highly aroused environment, the pain is not experienced at the same level as, say, accidentally banging your hand with a hammer. It becomes an intense stimulation, which when administered by a skilled top can bring a bottom to new heights of ecstasy. For those into heavy S&M activities, the pain is translated into a strong endorphin rush, a mind altering transcendent experience. The merging of pain and pleasure can create an amazingly powerful experience for the bottom, and is sometimes known as SM: Sex Magick. For most people, though, the kick is in the intense stimulation and not in anything actually approaching pain.
There is a lot to learn, far more than we could cover
here, which is why we strongly suggest that anyone interested in these
areas get a good book on the subject. The one we recommend is SM
101 by Jay Wiseman. It is one of the best books we have found on the
subject, and it is filled with practical advice and knowledge gleaned from
years of experience.
Bondage is where one person is restrained by another and usually at their mercy, although there are a few people who enjoy self bondage (which can be rather dangerous, since you can get tied up and not be able to get free). Once a person is restrained, a number of other activities may follow, which can range from tickling and feathers to various forms of punishment incorporating paddles, whips, nipple clamps, and other devices.
In general, bondage and the activities associated with it are a form of fantasy play, and many adherents feel it is very important to negotiate ahead of time the rules of the game. This is where you set the ground rules. Since you are role playing, it is important to agree ahead of time what it is you want to do. One of the potential problems may be that the top is doing something that goes beyond the bottom's limits, but if you are role playing, saying no or stop might not actually mean no or stop. That is why a safeword must be negotiated.
A safeword is a word that is out of context of the scene but has an agreed upon meaning. For example, a common safeword is "red", meaning stop. Another common safeword is "yellow", meaning "Ease off a bit, that is a little too much". Typically, one safeword is used to end the playing, while another is used to tone things down. Safewords are very important, and must be taken seriously. If someone uses a safeword to tell their partner to stop, there is no room for negotiation. They simply stop.
With bondage, make sure they are not secured so tightly that circulation is cut off, and have a pair of scissors handy in case you need to cut them free quickly. Avoid tying things around the neck, which could lead to fatal choking. Never cover the mouth or nose in a way that could impair breathing. Any form of standing bondage has risk because the person could fall over and they would have no way to break their fall. In fact, this is reported as one of the number one causes of injury.
Be careful to avoid cutting off circulation for any long period of time. This includes basic bondage, but also using items like nipple clamps. With a little common sense, bondage can be a safe and arousing form of play.
Most experts agree that you should
introduce bondage slowly into your sex play. A first time experience involving
someone spread-eagled on a bed, blindfolded, and then spanked may be way
too much for a first timer. Most experts suggest that you start out with
simple bondage with soft materials (such as soft rope or fleece padded
cuffs) where there are are perhaps secured behind their back. The next
time, assuming a good time was had by all, you might try more elaborate
bondage, such as securing their arms and legs. Later you may experiment
with securing them to something, such as tying them to a bed, and then
later another time you might introduce things such as blindfolds. Before
you introduce any kind of spanking play into bondage, you should have experimented
a lot with spanking without the bondage so that you know what your partner
really likes, and you have a strong sense of comfort between the two of
you. Building trust for this type of play is very important, and there
is no need to rush.
There are a number of bondage toys available. These include rope, arm binders, handcuffs, sport sheets, and wrist and ankle restraints.
One of the first things that many people experiment with is rope bondage. For us, with our background as magicians, the obvious choice was magician's rope, available at magic stores. It is soft and ties well. Unfortunately for Kris, I have had years of experience in escaping from rope, so it typically only takes me seconds to get out of it no matter how elaborately she ties. She finds this a bit frustrating. You can also use regular cotton clothes line rope, but avoid anything stiff or with an abrasive surface (the really thin clothes line rope that is very cheap is a bad choice- both too stiff and too narrow). A good wash in the washing machine with a little fabric softener will make good cotton rope more supple and easier to work with.
Wrist Restraints
The classic for wrist restraint is a piece of rope. It is inexpensive and easy to use. It does have a few drawbacks, though. It takes time to tie the person up to get them restrained. If you don't know how to tie, you can either tie them too tightly and impair circulation, or tie them too loosely and have them get out too easily.
The advantage of commercial wrist restraint devices is that they are generally easy to use, allowing you to get someone secured fairly quickly without a lot of fussing. With the exception of metal handcuffs, they are also generally more comfortable and easier on the wrists.
From Head to Toe
Once you have the hands secured, you might also be interested in securing the head and the legs. Collars and hoods are typically used for the top of the body, and ankle restraints for the bottom.
Show me how to use collars and ankle restraints! Product Information
The Whole Thing
Some people just are not happy doing anything piecemeal, and may prefer a more complete solution. From Fantasy Kits and Sportsheets to a full body harness, there are a lot of options to explore.
Not Seeing is Believing
Sometimes the power of fantasy is even more powerful when you can't see what is going on. Blindfolds can be very exciting for those who enjoy anticipation and surprise.
Whether you spank someone with a paddle, or with your bare hands, it can be a very intense experience for both parties.
For basic spanking, which is typically done open-handed on a bare behind, there are many techniques. A variation involves cupping the hand, which provides a slightly different sensation.
There are several postures for spanking: With the recipient across the knees, between the thighs, across a single elevated thigh, tucked under the arm, between the legs, or held down across an appropriate item of furniture.
Other items for spanking include a leather or wooden slipper, a school ruler, or the flat wooden back of a hairbrush. Hairbrushes are very likely to leave a bruise. A ping pong paddle provides a very impressive 'whack', and it normally leaves no bruises when used correctly. Canes, belts, and birches have also been used.
Spanking and whipping are usually
limited to the upper back, thighs and ass, as these are the areas that
can take it. Avoid hitting the spine, and stay away from the kidneys. Also
stay away from the neck, which is also easily injured. Those less experienced
should only do whipping with softer materials and avoid hard leather whips.
 |
There are three basic types that
are the most popular. Paddles are flat surfaces with handles that are generally
rigid or semi-rigid. Riding crops generally have a long flexible handle
and a much smaller striking surface than a paddle. Floggers are whips with
relatively short but thick very flexible tails.
|